Recent Posts

In Bloom

The flowering season of blossom trees is rather fleeting, so when the trees around the corner from us burst in to flower I grabbed my camera and climbed a wall to get some shots, before the wind, hail and frost took all the petals for another 11 months.

blossom and blue sky

Loving the contrast of the sky and blossoms, come back Spring!

blossom and blue sky

blossom and blue sky

blossom and blue sky

I remember my wedding days at Primary School, the playing field had about 20 or so blossom trees, we’d get ‘married’ beneath them with a bouquet of blossoms, good times!

blossom and blue sky

blossom and blue sky

Just around the corner from the white blossom trees are two pink blossom trees, these have only just started to bloom.

blossom and blue sky

blossom and blue sky

I’m ignoring the weird weather we’re having this week, next Monday is a Bank Holiday, so the weather will pick up…wont it?!

blossom and blue sky

There’s things happening in the garden, but the blossom will be gone soon so I’m making the most of it whilst it’s here!

What You Don’t See

Depression can be so hard to understand if you haven’t experienced it first hand. Even then, each of us suffers in different ways, no two peoples depression is exactly the same.

From the outside looking in, I doubt many would pick up on my depression, I hide it well, too well if truth be told, here is what you don’t see…

The mornings I have to talk myself, whilst taking an anxiety tablet, in to getting out of bed and coping with the hours until I can crawl back under the duvet

The fear of opening the front door and stepping out from the safety my home

The nights I can’t sleep from overthinking everything and wondering if I serve any purpose

The finger twisting and nail picking as I walk around town, convinced everyone knows I’m about to lose it

The rapid breaths and clammy skin that preclude an anxiety attack caused either by something unexpected happening or worse nothing at all

The downward spiral of thoughts that are so incredibly hard to get away from

The loss of friends and family who can’t or wont understand that I can’t help being this way

The self loathing I feel every time I think how much of their childhood I’ve missed

The hidden house phone, because I’m too scared to talk to people for fear they have bad news

The excitement I feel when I think I can go out, perhaps even talk to somebody and then clam up, feeling pathetic and worthless

The exhaustion at pretending to be happy, so that others aren’t brought down

The overwhelming panic at making a simple decision

How pathetic I feel when I realise how lonely I am, yet can’t make the first step to meeting new people

How I feel life is slipping by and I’m wasting away

depression and me

Just because you can’t see these things, it doesn’t make them any less real or painful for me or anyone else who lives with depression.

Cacti & Succulents, My New ‘Thing’

Usually I detest having anything to do with current trends or fads, but I have wholeheartedly been sucked in by the allure of the humble yet mighty succulent and cacti trend.

flowering cactus

I killed my first cacti a few years ago, but in the past few months I seem to have found a way to not only not kill them, but make them grow!

succulent

As the garden outside does it’s thing, Spring really does tend to take care of itself, all we need to do is stop and take a moment every once in awhile to appreciate it in all its splendour, I have been building up and nurturing my cacti and succulent collection.

Spencer surprised me with a lovely delivery of succulents, which needed a little TLC in the way of repotting and stabilising, they arrived in a very sorry state, but are now doing amazingly well in just a few weeks.

succulents

After hitting up Google I was able to take cuttings, replant and generally improve the succulents growing conditions. If you have succulents which are looking a little sorry for themselves, taking the time to repot and a little TLC really pays of.

repotting succulents

Here’s just a bit of my collection, we’ve gone for a variety and included some flowering ones.

succulents and cacti

We’ve also been making more wooden pots for them, there is something about the contrast of the green and oak which is just perfect.

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Between making rude jokes about ‘little pricks’ and accidentally stabbing myself with cacti I have actually been rather busy outside too.

little prick cacti

I was forced to hack down my 10 year old Honeysuckle, the neighbours are incredibly lazy and selfish, letting their ivy grow out of control until it swamped and was destroying the Honeysuckle, revenge will be mine!

This wreath I made is all I have left from what, if I do say so, was a damn impressive plant.

IMG_20160412_105134

Here’s a pic from my Honeysuckle last year *sobs* I’m gonna miss the crazy weird looking flowers this summer.

honeysuckle blooms

I’m actually really pissed off about the whole thing, I realise it’s not all that important in the grand scheme of things, but still, cut your damn ivy!

Displaying Memories

Don’t know about you, but I take more than a few photos, yet I rarely actually get round to printing any of them. We sees to spend an age snapping moments and occasions we don’t want to forget, yet then we keep them locked away on one device or another.

We have hard drives, sd cards and phones chock full of photos waiting to be sorted and printed, one day I will get round to it.

photos

Not only so I can switch out the photos we currently have decorating our home but also for their nana who asked for some photos of the boys, she’s not that tech savvy and usually ends up with blurry photos which resemble abstract art more than they do my children!

Luckily we have some photos on hand which, rather than just hand over, I decided to add a something so they can be displayed easily without any fuss or effort.

Ahh the mighty magnetic tape, which you can pick up in any craft store or online.

magnetic polaroids

Just snip to size, peel off the backing and apply to the reverse of the photos.

magnetic photos

I placed a piece along the top and bottom of each photo, which seems plenty enough to ensure that the photo remains on the fridge.

photos

Tied in to a little bundle and popped in to card, they are a lovely alternative to the usual sharing of photos on Facebook or Instagram, as great as those are for maintaining contact, nothing beats some snail mail and real photos.

photos

3 Things & Home

‘there is nothing like staying home for real comfort’ – Jane Austin

Since joining in with the happy and home linky I’ve been giving more thought to our “four walls” and what it is that makes this humble abode ours. It’s easy to set up somewhere and live there, but finding somewhere where you actually want to stay, and call home, that isn’t always so easy.

These past two weeks have made me realise that our home is perfect for our little family of 4, not least due to the following:

Location, Location, Location

I love where I live. My home is a hop, skip and a jump away from the beach. A place which can elevate my mood, change my perspective and provide endless hours of fun all less than 2 minutes away. Waking up to bird chirping and being able to hear the waves crash on the beach is wonderful. As to is having the South Downs just down the road.

field of daisys south downs

I’ve done the city living, calling many places in London home. Whilst there is much to be said for 24hr everything on the doorstep, there is even more to be said for the quiet, calm and relaxing lifestyle of living outside the city limits.

Calm

I’ve lived in so many places, many of which didn’t offer either the privacy nor the peace and quiet needed to think clearly or just sit and do nothing much.

My children are wonderfully, uniquely crazy. Little bundles of energy who rarely stop and are bored too easily. It’s exhausting at times just keeping up with them, so when they decide to curl up with a book and learn about the big wide world out there I’m at once proud and relieved. Not only that they willing choose to step away from Minecraft, Lego or ipads, but that they want to pick up a book and just read.

IMG_20160403_103227

Having a home where they can step away from the craziness and just enjoy doing nothing much is wonderful, we all need to remember that it’s okay to just sit for awhile and ignore everything else.

Healing

I’m almost too scared to jinx it to mention, but on the other hand I want to shout from the roof tops…for the first time in almost 7 years I’m not relying on antidepressants every day.

If you’ve ever been on them for a prolonged period of time you’ll know just how scary it can be not to have the safety net of these tablets. For the past few weeks I’ve been taking my meds alternate days, and I haven’t flipped, I’ve not lost my temper in a fit of rage, I haven’t become a recluse. I’ve actually laughed, giggled and enjoyed numerous moments with my family. These are things I never thought I’d be able to do without my daily dose of antidepressant. Having the safety of home and the security of a loving family have been instrumental in getting through these last two weeks.

On that note, I guess I should at least try to return some semblance of normality to our home, I’m almost positive you should be able to see carpet in the children's bedroom!

Happy and Home at A Residence blog

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